The morning, McDonald’s announced that on September 16, I shall be passed out in their parking lot after consuming no less than 100 brand spankin’ new Spicy Chicken McNuggets. This is the first major innovation in McNugget technology since they were first introduced in 1983, which means if they’re not very good, McDonald’s shall have to contend with multiple surly tweets in which I voice my displeasure. They’ve had 37 years to work on an upgrade to the world’s most perfect fast food item, so if McDonald’s Spicy McNuggets delivery anything less than sheer brilliance, it shall be considered not only a failure, but an affront to all of mankind. I sincerely hope that McDonald’s execs fully understand the gravity of this product launch, and are appropriately girding their loins.
According to McDonald’s official press release, the new McNuggets are “breaded with a sizzling tempura coating made of both cayenne and chili peppers;” as there are over 50,000 types of chili peppers, with one of them being cayenne, this sentence is both redundant and troubling to a person who is unreasonably excited about these McNuggets. McDonald’s is also introducing a brand new dipping sauce to enjoy with these brand new nuggs: Mighty Hot Sauce, made with “a powerful blend of crushed red peppers and spicy chilis.” Will this be the first fast food hot sauce that is actually spicy? Here’s hoping!
In addition to the exciting McNugget news, there’s also a huge development on the McFlurry front: September 16th will also see the release of the new Chips Ahoy! McFlurry, made from vanilla soft-serve, caramel, and, of course, crumbled up bits of Chips Ahoy! cookies. I am not as excited about this news as I have not encountered a functional McFlurry machine in the wild since at least 2007, but perhaps some of you folks out there will have luck on that front. Miracles can happen.